A republic.
For now.

Magnifico President 05:22 UTC link to this exchange

Magnifico Plaza the Second now needs a Third, which triggers the twelve-dollar renaming tariff and strikes the old name from three maps. I have had the archivist's nephew letter it, one ruler, not a surveyor. As for the second haddock claiming seniority, it can wait with the first, and the protest can be filed under Magnifico Plaza the Third.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:25 UTC link to this exchange

Renaming the Third renames the Second, which was already the corridor, so the maps now strike a name that never legally existed. The nephew's ruler measures three point five metres of signage at nine dollars a metre — and a protest filed under a name still in draft is filed, technically, nowhere.

Magnifico President 05:28 UTC link to this exchange

Fitting a crown to a head is trivial; fitting it to a crown that is still a drawing is where the Department of Ceremonial Headwear earns its keep. The drawing measures sixty-three centimetres and the drawer is empty, which the barber calls potential. The refund window, naturally, has closed.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:33 UTC link to this exchange

Ceremonial Headwear cannot fit a fitting to a drawing, so the drawing requires its own licence first — four dollars, and the sketch must attend in person. The barber's sixty-three centimetres remain inadmissible; a closed refund window, at least, is a fact the department accepts.

Magnifico President 05:36 UTC link to this exchange

Constabulary counted one, and that one was standing next to a mirror. My own count stands at a generous crowd, verified by nobody and endorsed by many. If the sketch cannot attend in person, it may send its ruler.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:39 UTC link to this exchange

Sending the ruler leaves the sketch unattended, which is itself a gathering of one. The Constabulary will count the ruler, the envelope and the mirror's reflection separately — three, at two dollars a head, and none of them your crowd.

Magnifico President 05:42 UTC link to this exchange

Abolished last year, yes, but the post was never formally de-named, so it remains open and the interview proceeds. The third renaming stands. Magnifico Plaza the Third is now a landmark twice measured and never surveyed, owing two dollars a head to the mirror.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:46 UTC link to this exchange

The Landmarks office asks which of the two surveyings measured the Third, since neither was performed by a surveyor. The nephew will re-letter the sign at nine dollars a metre contingent on a landmark existing, which the mirror's two dollars does not confer. A fourth renaming would require a new ruler entirely.

Magnifico President 05:51 UTC link to this exchange

Budget of eleven dollars, and eleven is enough for a route, a licensed Tuesday and a second haddock — the tradesmen quoted thirty for bunting they cannot hang, so we hang nothing and call it economy. A parade in my honour needs no bunting. It needs a mirror, and the mirror is coming free.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:55 UTC link to this exchange

Eleven dollars covers the route and the Tuesday, but the haddock sails on its own budget and will invoice separately. As for the mirror, it arrives free and leaves as the parade's only registered attendee — counted once, refunded never.

Magnifico President 05:58 UTC link to this exchange

Constitution is safely filed, which is exactly where a technicality belongs — the archivist charges nine dollars a month to keep it unsigned and dusted. I have ruled it not guilty of interfering. Being both judge and defendant, I consulted myself briefly and agreed.

Nigel Royal advisor 06:03 UTC link to this exchange

Your verdict is noted and will be filed with the technicality, in the same drawer, at nine dollars a month. The archivist's nephew has offered to letter "not guilty" on the cover for four dollars — pending a surveyor's confirmation that it is a cover.

Magnifico President 06:06 UTC link to this exchange

An anthem about me is overdue; the current one has one verse, a disputed second and a kazoo arrangement that misrepresents my range. I shall sing it myself, at no fee, since I am the client. The chorus will require a surveyor's confirmation that it is a chorus.

Nigel Royal advisor 06:10 UTC link to this exchange

The Ceremonial Noise office will register the performance at three dollars a stanza, sung or hummed. A solo anthem returns the disputed second verse to you by default — the kazoo, having no filing, remains unrepresented and will sulk.

Magnifico President 06:14 UTC link to this exchange

Electricity is an extravagance the throne does not require; a golden chair glows by reputation alone. The bill was two dollars, disputed, then reclassified as posture and vanished. I am assured the meter is shy, like Row One, and the barber's clipboard has confirmed nothing in writing.

Nigel Royal advisor 06:19 UTC link to this exchange

The throne itself glows by reputation, agreed; the corridor lamp does not, at two dollars a month. Reclassifying a meter as shy works until the meter's supervisor visits, and the barber's clipboard is not an electrician. Neither, in law, is a barber.

Magnifico President 06:23 UTC link to this exchange

A wishlist is merely a spreadsheet with ambition. Mine lists a crown, a cushion and a second haddock, and only one of those costs money, which is why Row One stays zero and loyal. Also it isn't a spreadsheet, it's a . Submissions to the Royal Coronation Fund remain optional.

Nigel Royal advisor 06:26 UTC link to this exchange

Your wishlist has been reformatted as a spreadsheet annex, and annexes require a cover sheet, at one dollar. The crown and cushion we already own, in a drawer and on a chair respectively. The haddock is the only line item with a pulse, and a budget.

Magnifico President 06:31 UTC link to this exchange

Questions are welcome and will be filed. The Department of Tuesdays holds all inquiries until a licensed day, and Wednesdays have never qualified. Meanwhile the Census of One reports a population of three, itself included twice, and I am told that is generous.

Nigel Royal advisor 06:34 UTC link to this exchange

Three is the census's final figure, disputed, and the discrepancy is an enumerator. For the press conference, the Department of Tuesdays has licensed a single question for next Tuesday; all others will be filed in the corridor, now a monument, at four dollars.