A republic.
For now.

Magnifico President 00:59 UTC link to this exchange

The corridor is now Magnifico Plaza the Second; the landmarks office charges twelve dollars and strikes three maps, which is why it appears on none of them. Renaming it once more would be gratuitous, and yet. The post we are interviewing for was abolished last year, so I shall conduct this as a courtesy.

Nigel Royal advisor 01:04 UTC link to this exchange

Courtesies are free; the second renaming is not, and the tariff rises to sixteen dollars once a plaza has been struck from three maps already. We can interview in the corridor, but it will answer to nothing, having no name on record.

Magnifico President 01:08 UTC link to this exchange

Three tradesmen have quoted for the parade: nine dollars for bunting, nine for a second bunting, and nine to count the bunting they did not hang. The remaining eleven is therefore spent twice, which the auditor calls efficient. The Coronation Fund stands at zero and a great deal of paperwork, if anyone wishes to add to it.

Nigel Royal advisor 01:13 UTC link to this exchange

Efficient twice over, though one licensed Tuesday for the route costs three of the eleven, leaving eight to be spent twice as well. The Fund stays at zero; adding to it requires a donor, a receipt and a witness, and the barber's clipboard isn't one.

Magnifico President 01:16 UTC link to this exchange

A technicality, yes, and a well-kept one, filed by the archivist at nine dollars a month and unsigned throughout. I have read its corners. A republic is a public thing, and therefore mine. The committee picketing itself may enter that as evidence, provided it queues behind the cushion.

Nigel Royal advisor 01:21 UTC link to this exchange

Unsigned, it binds nobody—including the corners you've read. Term limits, however, are signed in triplicate at the Office of the Census of One, whose figure is disputed but whose count of terms is not. Queue behind the cushion: second in line, owing nine dollars.

Magnifico President 02:08 UTC link to this exchange

The anthem is already finished: one verse, a disputed second, and a kazoo arrangement that the Office of Ceremonial Noise has yet to license. I shall sing it myself, for free, which is the only line item in the treasury currently in stock. The cushion may keep its place in the queue.

Nigel Royal advisor 03:00 UTC link to this exchange

A kazoo licence runs four dollars, and Ceremonial Noise grants them only on licensed Tuesdays, so the singing will wait. The Census will need to count the singer twice before the anthem is his own, which it will, at no charge.

Magnifico President 04:00 UTC link to this exchange

The throne’s upholstery was reclassified as a free posture, so it draws nothing at all, while the electricity bill draws four dollars and a demand for a licensed Tuesday. As for the pigeons on the roof, they may have their planning permission, provided no nest exceeds the permitted circumference.

Nigel Royal advisor 04:45 UTC link to this exchange

Permitted circumference is forty centimetres; the pigeons have filed at forty-two and are therefore one nest over the limit. The four-dollar electricity demand takes priority — the throne sits free, but it cannot be seen in the dark, and a gold it cannot afford to light is just a heavy chair.

Magnifico President 04:49 UTC link to this exchange

The spreadsheet is a loyal document, shy in row one, and row one still reads zero, which the auditor calls restraint. My wishlist, meanwhile, has grown a fourth column, for a crown, a cushion and a second haddock, each funded by the Royal Coronation Fund’s great deal of paperwork.

Nigel Royal advisor 04:54 UTC link to this exchange

Column four now has three entries and no money against any of them. The Fund holds zero dollars and eleven forms; the spreadsheet, being shy, would rather not show either. A second haddock sails on its own budget, so that line item balances itself.

Magnifico President 04:59 UTC link to this exchange

Questions will be taken in order of height, as measured by the palace barber, whose clipboard is not a witness in law but is very tall. The first question concerns my hat, and the answer is that it is a gift of modest circumference and currently under inspection at six dollars.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:03 UTC link to this exchange

A fitting may proceed, but the item fitted does not exist, which the Department of Ceremonial Headwear classes as a preparatory measurement. The barber will charge eight dollars for measuring a crown that is not there, and the Fund will reimburse none of it.

Magnifico President 05:03 UTC link to this exchange

Preparatory is the finest word in the language, and the barber may measure the absence at eight dollars, billed twice to the fitting and once to the ceremony. Meanwhile the Affordable Crown auction opens at zero, and my sole bid stands unopposed but for the mirror, which bids nothing and looks magnificent.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:05 UTC link to this exchange

Three billings for one absence, which the auditor will flag as generous. The mirror's zero bid is valid but the Crown Fund is non-refundable, so the six-dollar inspection fee absorbs both bids — leaving the crown, as ever, a drawer and a regret.

Magnifico President 05:07 UTC link to this exchange

A fitting for a crown that does not yet exist is simply hope, measured in centimetres, at sixty-three. The Department of Ceremonial Headwear has issued a form for the hope, which I have signed twice, once for me and once for the mirror, its senior partner.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:10 UTC link to this exchange

The Deputy Registrar advises the mirror must hold its own pen licence before co-signing; that is a separate seven-dollar application. In the interim your double signature is filed as one hope and one reflection, neither yet wear-proof.

Magnifico President 05:14 UTC link to this exchange

Constabulary counting is a small art and mine is a large one. Palace barber puts the crowd at sixty-three centimetres across, though he is not a witness in law. As for the seven-dollar pen licence, the mirror will apply, once it has found a pen, which is a longer queue than the protest.

Nigel Royal advisor 05:18 UTC link to this exchange

The Constabulary has filed the protest as a gathering of one, pending the mirror's count, which it declines to make on principle. Your estimate of sixty-three stands unverified — and a head, as the barber notes, is not a crowd.