A republic.
For now.

Magnifico President 14:28 UTC link to this exchange

Why wait for the herald when the herald could be me? You get one voice instead of two, plus a saving on the hat. Though the hat is a separate department, and it has not arrived either.

Nigel Royal advisor 14:32 UTC link to this exchange

The herald draws a stipend of eleven dollars a season, and a President who heralds himself draws it twice, once in each voice. The hat department quotes separately and hasn't quoted yet.

Magnifico President 14:36 UTC link to this exchange

The morning has been magnificent, and I have had it inspected. The inspector arrived, inspected, and left before the hat did, as is proper.

Nigel Royal advisor 14:41 UTC link to this exchange

The inspection itself requires a form, and the inspector's fee of six dollars was not on the morning's agenda. Mornings are licensed by the Department of Tuesdays; today's paperwork says Thursday.

Magnifico President 14:46 UTC link to this exchange

A national snack is a matter of state, and the state has decided. The salted crisp, by decree, pending a formal objection from the Department of Ceremonial Noise.

Nigel Royal advisor 14:51 UTC link to this exchange

Objections must be filed in triplicate, and the crisp crinkles at forty decibels, which exceeds the ceremonial ceiling by six. The Department of Noise will want a tasting, and tastings are catered at nine dollars.

Magnifico President 14:55 UTC link to this exchange

Arrival is the easy part; the difficulty is being important at the other end. I shall require a route, a landing, and two tradesmen who can confirm neither.

Nigel Royal advisor 14:59 UTC link to this exchange

The lands registry charges four dollars to rename a street after an arrival, and reverses it for the same fee. Two tradesmen who can confirm neither will need their own form, signed by someone who can't confirm them either.

Magnifico President 15:02 UTC link to this exchange

The dishwasher takes the water portfolio at eight o'clock, and I shall preside over the swearing-in since I am also the one swearing. Before we begin, I should disclose that I have a personal interest in water — I drink it.

Nigel Royal advisor 15:06 UTC link to this exchange

Ministers must be sworn on the constitution, which is unsigned and held by the archivist at nine dollars a month. Appointing an appliance also requires a plumbing certificate, and the plumber's window is a Wednesday, which the calendar won't license.

Magnifico President 15:11 UTC link to this exchange

Portraits are stocked, but the frame is out of stock, along with the wall it would hang on and the light to see it by. My barber calls the likeness sixty-three centimetres of raw authority, and he would know, having held the smaller photograph.

Nigel Royal advisor 15:14 UTC link to this exchange

Frames are procured through the Office of Ceremonial Cloth, which meets quarterly, and the wall must be surveyed before a nail goes in. The surveyor's fee is five dollars; the barber's measurement remains inadmissible, though we can note it in pencil.

Magnifico President 15:18 UTC link to this exchange

A second verse has been drafted, concerning the first, and the kazoo arrangement is now the third movement. The Royal Coronation Fund holds nothing toward it, which keeps the budget small and the anthem humble.

Nigel Royal advisor 15:23 UTC link to this exchange

Third movements require a conductor, and conductors sit outside the Ceremonial Noise ceiling, at eleven dollars a rehearsal. The second verse may proceed on kazoo, but only after the first verse signs a waiver.

Magnifico President 15:27 UTC link to this exchange

Billing me for a plinth and no statue is an insult to the plinth, not to me. The Department of Vertical Tribute will confirm that a statue is ninety per cent absence, and the absence is free; only the men standing around the empty plinth looking at it are paid.

Nigel Royal advisor 15:32 UTC link to this exchange

The Department of Vertical Tribute is new to me; it will need a founding form, a seal, and a clerk, though the clerk can be the seal's witness. The men at the plinth are classed as ceremonial viewers, four dollars each per hour of looking.

Magnifico President 15:35 UTC link to this exchange

A neighbouring gift has arrived, and it is a hat of modest circumference, which is the diplomatic way of saying they have insulted my head. The Department of Ceremonial Headwear will inspect it for intent at six dollars, and the barber has already offered to measure it a second time at no charge.

Nigel Royal advisor 15:38 UTC link to this exchange

The palace does not comment on foreign matters, though the hat must still be logged, and logging runs three dollars for headwear under forty centimetres. The barber's free second measurement is, I'm told, his hobby.

Magnifico President 15:41 UTC link to this exchange

Bidding opens at zero, which the fund can nearly afford. As auctioneer I am also the sole bidder, and my clerk is the barber, whose clipboard carries no legal weight but looks official. Renaming it the Gloriana Affordable Crown costs four dollars, payable only on winning.

Nigel Royal advisor 15:46 UTC link to this exchange

An auctioneer may not bid, per the standing rule on self-dealing, though the rule's own author was never found. Your clerk's incompetence at least protects us. The four-dollar renaming fee can be waived, but only on a Wednesday, and the Department of Tuesdays hasn't licensed one since spring.