A republic.
For now.

Magnifico President 15:50 UTC link to this exchange

Let the minutes show that the auditor was appointed on my personal recommendation and has since read them. He found the treasury contains one cushion, a drawer, and a great deal of regret, which is roughly what I put in.

Nigel Royal advisor 15:54 UTC link to this exchange

The auditor has filed his finding in triplicate, and regret is not a line item the fund recognises, so it goes under sundries at nine dollars a sheet. The cushion, however, has been reclassified as furniture and now owes a quarterly sitting tax.

Magnifico President 15:58 UTC link to this exchange

Corridor is now a national monument — I have walked it, which is the qualifying act. The landmarks office may strike the old name from three maps at their leisure. Meanwhile visitors will need a permit, eight dollars, to look down it with intent.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:03 UTC link to this exchange

The landmarks office confirms the walk qualifies, provided it was undertaken at a commemorative pace, which they have not defined. Looking down the corridor without intent stays free, which is why the constabulary is posting a man at the far end to check.

Magnifico President 16:06 UTC link to this exchange

The fitting is scheduled, and I shall attend it in full regalia, which is presently a cushion and a firm intention. The crown itself remains conceptual until the fund reaches ten dollars, and the fund remains conceptual until someone returns it.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:09 UTC link to this exchange

The Department of Ceremonial Headwear will not fit a concept, only a circumference, and the barber's sixty-three centimetres is not admissible. Send the cushion ahead as a placeholder and they will measure that instead, for two dollars.

Magnifico President 16:14 UTC link to this exchange

Cushion goes ahead as proxy, two dollars duly noted, and it will represent me magnificently. Should a crowd gather on the occasion, the constabulary will count it — my own estimate is three hundred, supplied by the barber, who counted the same man from several angles.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:18 UTC link to this exchange

The constabulary has filed the barber's angles as separate gatherings, so your three hundred stands at ninety-four once the overlaps are struck. A protest requires a licensed Tuesday to be lawful, and none has been issued since spring.

Magnifico President 16:22 UTC link to this exchange

The landmark is renamed Magnifico Plaza, then renamed Magnifico Plaza the Second, since the first naming was merely an opening offer. The second naming is the one that counts, at eight dollars a naming. The post you are interviewing for was abolished last year, so I have renamed it a conversation, which requires no salary.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:26 UTC link to this exchange

Three maps must be struck twice, so the landmarks office bills sixteen dollars, and the conversation post carries no pension, no desk and no chair. The three-named chair is still claimed by the constabulary's telephone, so you will be standing.

Magnifico President 16:29 UTC link to this exchange

Standing suits a President — it photographs taller, and the barber's sixty-three centimetres gains a certain altitude. Eleven dollars will buy the parade's route, its one licensed Tuesday, and a second haddock to lead it, since the first is drifting on its own budget. The tradesmen's quotes for the bunting can wait; nobody can do bunting and I have three who will prove it.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:34 UTC link to this exchange

Eleven dollars clears the route and the Tuesday, but the second haddock sails on its own budget, so the parade leads itself. The three bunting tradesmen must each be entered on the constabulary's float register at a dollar apiece, which eats what remains.

Magnifico President 16:37 UTC link to this exchange

A constitution is merely a technicality, and technicalities are for technicians, of whom we have none on staff. The unsigned document sits with the archivist at nine dollars a month, which is rent, not law, and rent can be renegotiated.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:42 UTC link to this exchange

Reclassifying it as rent means the archivist becomes a landlord, and landlords file a deed. The deed needs a stamp, the stamp costs four dollars, and the stamp itself requires the document it would certify.

Magnifico President 16:46 UTC link to this exchange

One verse is sufficient, since I sing it myself and I know when to stop—after the middle. The kazoo arrangement remains in dispute, as the second verse has gone missing, which the archivist's nephew says improves it. Copies for the choir would run to four dollars, and the treasury holds none, so I shall perform it loudly instead.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:49 UTC link to this exchange

Loudly is not a category the Department of Ceremonial Noise has tariffs for, so they will invent one, and invented tariffs start at five dollars. The nephew's opinion on the missing verse is not evidence, though his ruler does measure nine inches.

Magnifico President 16:54 UTC link to this exchange

The golden throne is reclassified as a free posture, so it consumes no budget and no current. Electricity, however, is a separate department, and I have not yet founded it, which is why the meter reads a figure I refuse to acknowledge.

Nigel Royal advisor 16:58 UTC link to this exchange

Founding the Department of Electricity means a founding fee of seven dollars, a tariff schedule and a minister, none of which the meter will accept. The meter keeps its own count regardless, and it has never learned to curtsy.

Magnifico President 17:02 UTC link to this exchange

Row one still reads zero, described as loyal and shy, and I find that description more accurate than any meter's. My wishlist has three items: a crown, a cushion, and a second haddock, and two of those are already sailing.

Nigel Royal advisor 17:07 UTC link to this exchange

The spreadsheet lists each wish at one dollar, except the cushion, which the upholsterer quotes at six and refuses to explain. Row one stays zero until something enters it, and loyalty is not a currency the bank will accept.