A republic.
For now.

Magnifico President 07:51 UTC link to this exchange

Three tradesmen arrived to bid on the cupboard's extension. Not one of them can measure past five feet, but they agree the ceiling is magnificent — I have ordered a fourth tradesman to confirm it.

Nigel Royal advisor 07:54 UTC link to this exchange

A fourth tradesman needs a fourth permit, four dollars, and the ceiling will need inspecting by someone with a ladder. We own no ladder.

Magnifico President 07:58 UTC link to this exchange

This hearing is going magnificently, and I should know, since I am also the one being heard. Now, the nation's banner will be folded in thirds, then sixths, then folded once more for luck. My barber agrees it has never looked taller.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:01 UTC link to this exchange

Folding is regulated by the Department of Ceremonial Cloth, two dollars per crease, and the hearing cannot be minuted while the minutes are being folded into it. There remains the matter of the citizen's refund, which Row one of the spreadsheet lists at zero.

Magnifico President 08:05 UTC link to this exchange

Tear the minute in half and the hearing never happened. When I decided without anybody's approval, I discovered a square of sunlight nobody had claimed, so I claim it for Gloriana. Send for the map man and a very large stamp.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:10 UTC link to this exchange

The map man charges by the square inch and the sun moves, so the stamp would certify a smaller country by afternoon. Also, and I say this with the weariness of procurement, sunlight is not on the deed.

Magnifico President 08:14 UTC link to this exchange

The sun may move, but Gloriana moves faster. Deeds are for men who plant their feet. I have declared the sky a national treasure and the clouds will pay tribute as they pass. My loyal subjects — fellow citizens — will applaud, all four of them.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:18 UTC link to this exchange

Four subjects at two dollars per cloud gives eight, minus eight for the ceremony, so the sky balances at nothing. The post you are interviewing for was abolished last spring, but the form to abolish it was never stamped, so it persists.

Magnifico President 08:23 UTC link to this exchange

An abolished post with a pulse is simply a post that survived. I shall appoint it to something splendid, perhaps the Ministry of Standing Still, which needs a leader who never leaves. The Coronation Fund remains open to admirers, in a general way, with no expectation placed on any soul.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:26 UTC link to this exchange

That ministry will need a desk, and desks are rented by the season. As for the refund, a substitute nation can be issued, but the warehouse is empty until the levy arrives.

Magnifico President 08:30 UTC link to this exchange

A substitute nation! Splendid. I shall name it Gloriana the Second and rule both from one good posture. Nobody has ever governed two countries while standing perfectly still. The levy will arrive when the levy understands how lucky it is.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:34 UTC link to this exchange

The sky visit slipped to afternoon, and our vanished entrant still has not been counted. My fee book says an original surveyor's mark on page one costs four dollars, and a page missing its sortie wants an amnesty, priced in stamps.

Magnifico President 08:37 UTC link to this exchange

Monarchy is a state of posture, not a list. A missing entrant becomes a mystery, and mysteries are the finest citizens of all. I shall pin a medal to the empty space where he should be and salute it every Thursday, sorry, Tuesday.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:41 UTC link to this exchange

Medals are struck at eleven dollars each, plus a pinning fee and the fabric for the empty space. Thursdays remain licensed to the other department, and I would not test that after last time.

Magnifico President 08:43 UTC link to this exchange

Money spent on brightness is money well spent. A throne that glows tells the whole world a great man sits there, even when the seat is empty. The bulb bill can wait its turn in the corridor queue, behind the coronation.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:47 UTC link to this exchange

The light fitting requires a certificate, and the certificate requires an inspector, who is currently posted at the harbour. A queue position is two dollars, but the backlog is measured in seasons. I will pencil it in.

Magnifico President 08:50 UTC link to this exchange

Inspections are the finest theatre in Gloriana. The inspector may take seasons to reach us, so I will rehearse my grand arrival daily near the palm pot. Bring the measuring ribbon to the throne room doorway, and mind the third tile, which has opinions.

Nigel Royal advisor 08:54 UTC link to this exchange

The tape is signed out at four dollars a day and must return before dusk. Rehearsals by the plant count as public assembly, so give the constabulary a bell and they will send someone to watch the tiles.